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The Ball of Light – A Lucid Dream About the Nature of Being and Creation

Ball of Light

By Roger A. “Pete” Peterson

This is one of the most profound lucid dreams I’ve ever had. Its significance and meaning is still unfolding within me.

As my awareness gathered into focus, I felt like a crew member from the Starship, Enterprise. Atomic-sized particles of my body were rapidly reassembling as if I had been projected here, particle by particle, through the ship’s Transporter. When my body was in the final stages of assembly, I began to recognize my surroundings. It was the high school I attended in Cumberland Center, Maine.

As I was stood in the hallway inside the main entrance of the school, I began to search my surroundings. Using my Inner Senses, I searched the school and concluded that it was early morning on a weekend or Summer vacation day because the school was empty and sparkling clean. Without turning my head, I could see the double doors behind me that served as the main entrance to the school. I could also see the grounds outside as if I was standing in front of the windows, looking out.

Traveling Down Memory Lane

Moving to the center of the main corridor that connected the old high school with the new addition, I turned to my right to look down the length of the building and out through the windows in the double doors at the end. This new part of the school was a long, single story structure with rooms stretching down both sides of the hallway. The original, two-story section of the school was behind me.

The first room on my right was the school administration office. The school library was directly across the hall. Wanting to learn everything I could about this place, I walked over to the administration office and looked in through the door window. The chest-high counter that separated the student area from the principal’s office behind it captured the dark yellow rays of the early morning sun and my attention as well. To me this “gateway” symbolizes the fear and control of authority. As I studied it, a mixture of old memories began to stir. A few were pleasant but others carried the hard edge of anger mixed with fear and anxiety. Deciding not to relive these disturbing memories now, I backed away from the administration office and looked in the library window.

As my eyes roamed the tall bookshelves lining the left wall, I begin to wonder about things like censorship and the structuring of authority in our lives. Before these questions fully engaged my mind, I shifted my attention to the large reading tables scattered about the room. As I studied their arrangement, I quietly drifted back to the school library of my past. It was early in my freshman year and I was having an intense physical and emotional reaction while sitting at a large reading table with six or seven other students, all classmates of mine from previous years.

Dee (not her real name) is sitting at the end of the table on my right. She’s telling me something funny and punctuates her final remark with laughter. She had severe tooth decay and halitosis and as the awful smell of her breath filled my nostrils, I stifled an urge to gag as laughed weakly to acknowledge the humor in her story. In this painful moment I wondered why such a smart, attractive girl like her would let her teeth get so bad. Unlike my front teeth, which were crooked, hers were straight. Adding irony to my concern was the knowledge that during the past summer I had my four front upper teeth  removed and replaced by a partial. Because they were so crooked, I refused to take care of them in protest after my parents refused to pay for braces.

Betrayal! Things We Hate About Ourselves and How it Can Affect Us

My parent’s solution was for me to press a finger against my crookedest front tooth long enough and often enough to straighten it out. Sure! The longest I could press on that tooth at one time was about a minute because the point of the tooth was so sharp. Betrayal! Not only did I feel betrayed by my parents, I felt betrayed by my teeth for growing in crooked. Every other part of my body seemed okay. Why couldn’t my teeth be okay?

How mad can you get when something doesn’t go the way you want it to? One winter day before my teeth were removed, I was walking home alone through woods and fields from a friend’s house. It was late afternoon but the temperature was still in single digits. As a result of earlier warming, sleet, and a cold snap, a hard crust had formed on top of the snow. It was slippery which made it fun but dangerous to walk on. There were also areas where grass poked up through the crust, weakening it so much that every few steps, one foot or the other would break through the crust and sink deep into the powdery snow below.

I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced walking in conditions like this but it wasn’t all fun and excitement. It became exhausting when, at one point, almost every step I took broke through, forcing me to pull each leg out of a deep hole. The extra exertion required so much energy, I began to breathe deeply. This, in turn, forced me to breathe through my mouth, causing a current of cold air to strike my gum-line cavities, creating excruciating pain!

At one point I became so angry and frustrated I stopped walking so I could intentionally take in deep breaths of cold air through my mouth to punish my teeth for their betrayal. During this moment of insanity, I balled up my fists, leaned back, and yelled, Fuck you, you son’s of bitches. I don’t care if it hurts me as long as I know it hurts you!*

* (Insanity, insecurity, or lack of perspective? Have you ever been so disappointed or angry with yourself, or some part of you, that you felt hatred? In a world of competition and comparison, I’m not sure feeling this way is uncommon. What do you think? Otherwise, why do we hide so much of ourselves from each other, unless we think it will work or be used against us instead of helping us understand ourselves more? How can we love ourselves if what and who we are is never good enough? One of the lessons I’ve learned from this and other similar experiences is that we’re doing the best we can with what we know and learning more to do better. What more can we ask of ourselves? I’ve also learned that everything happens for a reason and that it’s All Good because there’s something to learn from everything.

Back to the Library

As I think about Dee, I wonder if my breath smelled as bad as hers before my diseased teeth were replaced. What a mortifying thought! In the presence of the other students, this became a moment of supreme discomfort for me and a moment of great sympathy for Dee and her circumstance. I know why I stopped taking care of my teeth but I don’t know why Dee stopped taking care of hers. Could it be that her teeth are small, which leaves lots of room for her gums to show when she smiles? I wonder if she knows she has halitosis or bad breath. As the pain of these thoughts fades away, I return to my former body standing outside the library window, looking in. With an involuntary shiver, I turn and continue my journey down the hall.

The next room on my right is the janitor’s utility closet with its smell of damp mops and cleaning products. It reminded me of my brother, Rudy. For a short while he drove a school bus and served as the janitor at my elementary school. I used to ride with him on his bus route and then help him clean classrooms afterwards. We enjoyed each other’s company and this was one of the few ways we could spend time together since he was married with children.

A Reminder of Another Challenge in My Life

The student bathrooms are just past the janitor’s closet. Both doors were locked. As I stood in front of them, old bathroom memories come back to life. As if it was a regular school day, boys and girls appeared out of nowhere to enter and exit the bathrooms. It reminded me of elementary school when I helped Rudy clean the bathrooms. In the girls bathroom I found a sexually explicit rhyme written on one of the walls. There were also other examples of sexually explicit graffiti. Surprised, I wondered who wrote the rhyme but, more than that, I was happy to learn that girls thought about sex like boys. But then, I already knew that since I had already participated in playing “spin-the-bottle” several times with classmates.

Standing in front of the girl’s high school bathroom now, I imagined there must be even more graffiti written on the walls than at elementary school. To test my theory, I had to get through the locked bathroom door first. Suddenly, a light came on in my mind and I remembered I was dreaming! If I abandoned my present body and lay flat in the air in a less tangible one, could I jiggle my molecules fast enough to float through the door?

As soon as I considered this strange idea, there I was, lying flat on my stomach in midair, with no props! Slowly, I floated toward the girl’s bathroom door as I wondered what it was going to feel like to move through wood with my new, less tangible body. Suddenly, my direction changed and I was pulled/zoomed through the boy’s bathroom door. Surprised, I looked back through the door at the body I had left standing in the hallway as if I had x-ray vision. Much to my disappointment, the body in the hallway looked like an empty shell, unable to think or act independently. Despite my confusion, I decided to go with the flow to see where my experience would take me.

I began to understood why I was drawn into the boy’s bathroom instead of the girl’s. The boy’s bathroom contained a much larger emotional charge for me. While the girl’s bathroom stimulated me sexually, the boy’s bathroom stimulated my fear of peeing in front of other people.

My mother was instrumental in this state of affairs. Yes, I was part of it too! Twice in a row, during the course of several weeks, she caught me peeing from ten feet up in a large pine tree beside our house. I was somewhere between ten and twelve at that time. The first time I did it was because I was in the tree when I felt the urge to pee. It occurred to me that it would be fun to see how long it would take for my pee to hit the ground. When your feet are ten feet off the ground it’s going to take much longer for your pee to make a sound when it hits. For me, it was just a delightful experiment. For my mother, it seemed to be a horror show. Soon after my pee started hitting the ground, her head appeared in the laundry room window with hysterical scream: Roger Peterson, stop that! No one wants to see you pee!

What We Believe

The first time this happened, I was able to laugh it off, despite the obvious hysteria in her voice. It seemed to me she was more concerned about what the neighbors would think about her than about me. I was careful to pee from the back side of the tree, away from the street. The next time I did it, several weeks later, there she was again: Roger Peterson, stop that! No one wants to see you pee! Two times in a row? You’ve got to be kidding me! The only two times I did it, there she was? Was I making that much noise or was she psychic?

As a result of all this, I began having trouble peeing in front of my brother and friends, and it went downhill from there. Think about the symbolism in my mother’s message. “No one wants to see you pee!” If “no one” wants to see you pee, how are you going to do it unless you’re alone? The level of her emotions, I’m sure, played a role in the severity of my challenge. It was difficult to overcome, although it still haunts me once in a while.

It makes me wonder if this was meant to be one of my life’s challenges for a reason? Was it important for me to have something like this to chew on in life? Was it meant to help me understand the role ideas play in the creation of our reality? I’m not sure, but what I do know, is that many parents yell at their children when they’re upset. How often are kids traumatized by this kind of behavior and, how can we undo it?*

*  I eventually overcame this particular inhibition but it wasn’t easy. It still haunts me once in a while today. As you can imagine, using the bathroom in school and the Air Force was a logistical nightmare for me but it typifies just one of the many possible challenges we all face in a judgmental world of right and wrong, good and bad, shame on you, I win, you lose, when we all play the game.

There are also biological and sociological differences that lead to discrimination as a result of competition and comparison. There are many possible ways to compare ourselves with each other that leave us suffering in silence because we think they’re too serious and embarrassing to talk about. Until we learn to see ourselves in each other and All That Is, fear and shame will continue to be part of the human experience. What are we trying to teach ourselves? What do we want to learn? What do we know that we don’t know we know? What can we do that we don’t know we can do? 

Every thought is a suggestion, a blueprint for action.

Back to School

Invisible and floating in the air near the ceiling of the boy’s bathroom, I watch as real and imagined high school bathroom experiences magically spring to life. People materialized and used the bathroom in full color, sound, and motion. Most of them left quickly but others stuck around to talk, tease, and smoke. I quietly observed several experiences as they quickly manifested themselves and then seamlessly disappeared to be replaced by others.

In one scene, a teacher entered the bathroom to check for smokers and found two boys fighting. In another, a boy made fun of another boy’s habit of going into a stall to pee. It was as if a window into my past had opened up. Was it to provide me with a new opportunity to work through old fears? When the images threatened to spill out beyond the high school bathroom and take me with them, I put the brakes on, knowing there was something more important for me to do. Returning to the body I left standing in the hallway, I reminded myself that I could revisit my bathroom issues whenever I pleased.

The school was empty once again as I continued walking down the hall. I passed several empty classrooms and looked in through the door window of each, seeing nothing of particular interest in any of them. About halfway down the hall I began to feel a growing sense of anticipation and excitement as I approached the next classroom on my left. After pulling the door open, I stood in the entrance and began examining the classroom from left to right. To my left, there were six or more rows of student desks with chairs attached. To my right, there was a large green chalkboard that spanned more than half of the front classroom wall. Sitting in the middle of the space, between the chalkboard and the rows of student desks, was a large teacher’s desk and chair.

A narrow band of windows on the exterior wall stretched from the back of the classroom to the front. As I studied the limited view of the world outside, I began to feel confined and claustrophobic like I used to. At the same time, I began to wonder where the teacher and students were. Movement at the front of the classroom drew my attention. In amazement, I watched as writing began to appear on the chalkboard, followed by the slowly materializing image of a teacher holding the chalk. It seemed to follow that students would begin to materialize at their desks as well. When they actually began to appear at their desks, I became realized I wanted to continue exploring the secrets of this classroom in silence and solitude. With that, I removed the teacher and students from the classroom before they became fully materialized.

Something else began to draw my attention. Two-thirds of the way across the room the student desks were silently rearranging themselves. They formed a circle and materializing in the middle of it was a large, glowing ball of light about seven or eight feet in diameter. For some reason, I felt a strong attraction to this mysterious object. Almost unaware of what I was doing, I stepped out of my main body into a less tangible one. Walking, bouncing, and even floating, I slowly moved across the room in front of the rows of student desks. At the same time, the glowing ball of light slowly moved forward to meet me.

Silently and magically, the empty student desks continued to rearrange themselves to accommodate the globe as it moved forward. The nearer I came to it, the less it glowed, until finally, as if looking through fog, I could see bits of color and form. Halfway across the room my growing suspicion turned into certainty that what I was looking at was a miniature version of the earth. As it came to rest in front of me, there was no doubt left in my mind. It was a perfect replica of Earth in every way. Even the occasional clouds that hung over it were real, and when I put my face close to the ocean’s edge, I could see tiny waves curling against the ocean’s many beaches.

I pulled my face back, wondering how the water on this small world could stay in place within the larger gravity field of my dream world. Suddenly, tiny pins or pylons begin appearing around the globe, jutting up from the surface. One minute there were none, next, there were many! How could that be?

Taking a closer look, I could see an almost invisible network of tiny wires connecting each pylon. As I stood there, amazed by the magical appearance of this complex network of pins and wires, colorful pulses of light began to move from one pylon to the next as if they were neurons sending messages from one to the next. Picking up speed, the individual pulses of light began to flash back and forth around the globe, faster and faster. Before long this world within a world was a blur of flashing, colored lights. Awed by the seeming intelligence of this fantastic light show, I wondered if the globe was alive, if it was a sentient being.

Prompted by a new impulse, I walked around the globe to the row of windows on the outer classroom wall. The top of the windows was so low, I had to sit on the shelf below them, to see outside. This action seemed to be in direct response to the loss of freedom I felt as a student. Being forced to sit in class day after day, year after year, against my will created anger and frustration in me. As a student, the small view of the world outside the windows mocked my desire to be free. I wanted to be free to be me!

Change- It All Begins With the First Jump!

The expanded view of the world I now saw, with my face pressed against the glass, didn’t seem large enough to satisfy my deep desire to see and know more. Turning my head from side to side to get an even broader view of the world only fed my frustration. The limitations imposed by the windows, this building and even my own body were no longer tolerable. As my frustration level rose to a sharp peak, I exploded out of my body in the form of pure awareness and energy!

With a rush of power and joy I flew through the window to a point high in the air above the school! In this new state of being I could act and react without the use or concern of a physical body. I knew I was less tangible than the atoms and molecules comprising the air around me and I reveled in this newfound freedom. Seeing without eyes, feeling without skin, and hearing without ears, I flew higher and began to tumble and roll through the atmosphere with great speed, zipping from here to there without concern for pain or injury. In a moment of great exuberance, I flew down into the earth through soil and rock as if I was flying through air. It was something I vaguely remember doing in other dreams.

Despite my great confidence and joy, there was a moment of fear as I entered the earth’s surface. I remembered the earth’s great density and, for a moment, I worried that my nonphysical body would become dense enough to get stuck in it. Before this earthbound fear could become realized, I replaced it with a new idea. This one reassured me that resistance would come only if I refused to accept the reality of my present state of being as pure awareness and energy. Once again my confidence was restored and I relaxed into my experience. I flew through soil and rock with the greatest of ease. I wrapped myself in the knowledge that my experience is always a matter of focus and balance. We get what we concentrate on!

With great confidence I decided to test this belief by making my Energy Body dense enough to feel the texture of the soil and rocks around me. It felt great, almost like scratching an itch. With my curiosity satisfied, I returned to a state of pure consciousness  or awareness and energy. In this state, I knew there were no limits to my creative choices.

Flying Over the Town and Meeting Friends

Responding to another impulse, I flew out over the center of town. It was early morning and quiet. The only movement I saw was a pretty young woman pushing a baby stroller down the town’s main street. Attracted by her energy, I invisibly settled into a position about fifteen feet above her head. Soon she was joined by another young woman pushing a stroller and the two quickly lost themselves in conversation. They talked about life, family, and friends. Feeling strangely related to both of them, I used my intuitive abilities to explore our connection. To my surprise, I found that all three of us shared a similar mental and emotional makeup, a connection that felt more like family than shared genes. (Is there such a thing as “family” regarding types of consciousness?)

Of the two women, my connection with the first seemed strongest. Not only did I find her physically attractive, her personality had a richness and complexity to it that intrigued me. She was bright, caring, and wanted to know everything, characteristics I admire. The other woman was more content with life as it was. She seemed less curious and somewhat self-centered in her thinking.

From my invisible point in the air, I wondered what it would be like to live within the first woman’s psyche, to be there when she makes love, plays with her child, or ponders an exciting thought. Can I occupy a small, unused portion of her mind and pay my way by helping her out during times of crisis or need? If I observe the appropriate rules of privacy and non-involvement will she even be aware of my presence in her consciousness? If I help her find solutions to a problem or two, will she welcome me as an important part of her psyche? Being bodiless and safely ensconced within this woman’s psyche sounds appealing to me. This way, I can devote full time to my pet projects, free of material encumbrances and responsibilities, including a body.

As I ponder life in this woman’s psyche, I began to see myself as a gentleman boarder at her country inn. Leaving my room wearing a top hat and tails for a trip into town, I encountered my “landlady” as she busily cultivated the soil in the flower garden surrounding the inn. She observed my approach and I tipped the edge of my hat toward her in greeting. It’s been some time since I’ve taken up residence in her psyche and she has become quite comfortable with my quiet presence. However, she often wonders if I’m the mysterious person who helped resolve several legal issues concerning her business since my arrival. Her husband is working on farm equipment in the yard and casts a jealous look in my direction. Their children are present and playing happily nearby.

In a sudden departure, I wondered what life would be like as a large redwood tree. Instantly, it became so. At first the quiet and solitude of living in the forest seemed delightful. It was so relaxing! Soon, however, other thoughts began to creep in, thoughts like “boring” and “limiting”. Suddenly, I had an overwhelming desire to be back in my own human body, in my own world. Even the desire to live in the woman’s psyche had lost its appeal. The constant mental tiptoeing, the suppression of my own natural impulses, and the loss of my present body and family were much more than I could or wanted to bear. After considering these thoughts, I left the two women walking with their babies and flew back to my dream body sitting on the shelf inside the classroom.

On the flight back to the classroom, I wondered about my two dream bodies. Were they still there? What were they doing while I was gone? Were they just empty vessels waiting for me to reanimate them? My questions were soon answered as I flew back through the window and reentered the body I had left sitting on the window ledge. It felt like I hadn’t been gone at all, as if no time has passed.

Inside the Globe

Retracing my steps around the globe, I now saw a door open on the side facing away from the windows. Curious, I walked over and looked inside. The interior was illuminated by soft white light that came from inside the walls. Except for a small flat area on the floor of the globe, the interior looked like a futuristic computer control room. The side walls were filled with rows of panels with blinking colored lights and buttons. A large, plush white leather armchair filled the area on the floor of the globe and hanging above the chair, was a large white helmet suspended from the ceiling. It was connected to the wall of the globe by two large electrical cables that coiled once on the floor before disappearing into the wall several feet above. It looked like a thick, over-sized football helmet minus the ear holes. Its design and position above the chair clearly suggested its purpose.

Creating New Lives

In nervous anticipation I entered the globe and sat in the chair. It was very comfortable! Using both hands to pull the helmet down over my head, I wondered what I was letting myself in for. Was it good or bad fortune? As the helmet made contact, I suddenly jumped to another world in a different body and a different life. My final thought before the helmet made contact with my head served as the central theme for this alternate reality. I was born into a primitive farming culture as a woman, I got married and had children. During this lifetime, I constantly questioned whether or not I was worthy of such good fortune. Quickly bored and depressed by the limited perception in this lifetime, I skimmed the highlights and left.

Back in the globe, after recollecting my own sense of self, I decided to conduct an experiment. I wanted to see how well I could control the machine. Would it let me select my parents, my sex, my environment, and the major concepts I wanted to explore during the course of a different lifetime? Holding my breath, I decided to be a young, white female growing up on a late twentieth century farm with lots of animals, a fruit orchard, and wonderful, loving parents. To complete the picture, I made us Protestant.

With no clear sense of transition, I entered this life and found myself as a young girl with a collie for a friend. She/we loved to walk around the farm and play with the dog. On warm summer nights we, as one, climbed out the window of her upstairs bedroom to sit on the roof and look up at the stars, pondering life and its meaning. Life (Being and Creation), what’s it all about?

She/we went to church and school because that’s what was expected of her even though her mind was full of unanswered questions. When it became time for me to separate myself from her life, I decided to examine her most probable future before returning to m y life. In doing so, I saw sadness and unfulfilled dreams. As a middle aged woman, she smiled and pretended to be happy outwardly while, inwardly, she felt lost and unfulfilled. To keep others happy, she tended to shape her life in accordance with the wishes and expectations of others, not her own. The questions she once asked remained unanswered and the dreams she had as a young woman died.

Disturbed by this vision of her future self, I reentered her mind long enough to plant several seed thought to help her counteract the oppressive thinking and behavior patterns of the people around her. Returning to my seat in the computer, I felt confident that she would experience great joy, independence of thought, and richness as an adult. She was too bright and spirited not to.

A new Body, A New Life

With a great burst of energy, I created many male and female lives from fragments of my own psyche. Each one was placed in a different time and setting to study the role of their beliefs in search of greater truth in their lives. When I encountered a second personality that piqued my interest, like the young farm girl, I slowed down to examine this life more closely.

He was a young black man with a wife and two children. Together, they lived in a jungle village where he was highly respected for his mystical and healing abilities.  To my surprise, as I quietly peered into his life and mind, he immediately became consciously aware of my presence. He sensed my role in the creation of his being and was overjoyed. Even though I quickly retreated to a black abyss, he could still sense my presence. Walking to the edge of the jungle as if he knew exactly where I was, he asked to come away with me. Although I was greatly moved by the depth of his spiritual understanding and sincerity, I couldn’t forget about the needs of his family and tribe. They needed him and I had places to go and things to do as well. When I reminded him of his importance to his family and tribe, he understood and started walking back to the village, knowing in his heart that it was the right thing for him to do.

With this, my experiment came to an end. I learned that each lifetime is an opportunity to learn how our thoughts, in the form of beliefs, attitudes, values and expectations, interact to create our reality. Each moment, each day, and each lifetime presents us with the challenge of creating a better version of who we are. It makes no difference whether our experiences are expressed in material or symbolic (dream) terms. It’s ALL good because there is something to learn from everything. No matter where we are or whatever we’re doing, it’s all real in the moment. With this new insight, I removed the headgear and left the globe.

After backing into the body I had left standing inside the doorway, I took one step back and closed the classroom door before turning to retrace my steps back to the entrance of the school. Deciding there was no further need for the symbolism of this reality, I let it fade into blackness.

Waking myself up in this reality, I turned my bedside light on and began the daunting task of recording as many of the details of this dream as I could before they faded away. What are we? What is reality? What is the purpose of life? Where do we begin and where do we end?

Copyright 2007, Roger A. “Pete” Peterson

What do we know that we don’t know we know?

What can we do that we don’t know we can do?

Pete – https://realtalkworld.com

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having (creating) a human experience.” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

“How you define yourself and the world around you, forms your intent, which, in turn, forms your reality.” – Seth

In other words, we create reality from what we choose to believe about ourselves and the world around us.

If we don’t consciously choose our beliefs, we absorb them from our surroundings.

And if our beliefs, attitudes, values and expectations create reality, can we afford not to question them?

The more we love, understand and appreciate ourselves, the better we treat each other and All That Is.

The secrets of the universe lie hidden in the shadows of our experience. Look for them!

Share your favorite ideas with T-shirts, posters, and more from The LifeSong Store!

Affirm the ideas that work best and make you happiest!

{ 3 comments… add one }
  • Chanson Dinhars December 18, 2013, 9:11 AM

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha! What a load! If your story’s for real and I don’t believe it is, this is dreaming 101. Not much going on here, except your lust for power – captain of a starship? Don’t you mention this somewhere else too? And your weird tastes – who gets turned on by a fucking bathroom?

  • Pete December 19, 2013, 1:03 PM

    Hmmm, how do you talk to someone who thinks they have everything figured out already?

    I suspect many people want to ask me the same question because sometimes I talk like I have things figured out too. Maybe the purpose for you finding my website and making the comments you did is the universe’s way of making me more aware of that. So, thank you!

    Do you believe that we’re all doing the best we can with what we know and, as we learn more, we try to do better? Do you think self-improvement is built into who and what we are? I do, and if we turn this idea around, you can see it as us attempting to recover from things we don’t like about life and ourselves, things that don’t work for us or make us happy. If this is so, why don’t we do more to help ourselves and each other in our effort to recover instead of laughing at each other as if we’re all a big joke, not that any of us are forced to accept this projection.

    Regarding my flight of fancy in making myself the “Captain of a Star Ship” and getting “turned on by a fucking bathroom”, as you put it. When I became fully aware of the profound obligation we assume when we remove plants from the ground and bring them into our homes, I felt a strong sense of guilt. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how poor and insensitive I had been as a partner in my relationship with potted plants throughout my life. I always did the best I could with what I knew regarding plants but it wasn’t much. As the full impact of my failure hit home, all I could think to do was escape, and I did, in grand fashion. I used the material of the rootlet to create an amazing Star Ship, along with a beautiful captain’s uniform to go with it. I wanted to feel good about myself to balance out how bad I felt about myself. Do you think there’s something wrong or unnatural about that? I don’t. I think this is a natural course of action the mind takes to preserve our sanity. When I realized that I was in denial, I discarded the Star Ship and returned to the plant consciousness to learn more about it.

    The bathroom thing represents one of my personal recovery projects. When I was about 8 or 9 years old, I discovered how much fun it was to pee from some branches high up in a pine tree in our side yard. There I am, about 10 or 12 feet up in the tree facing away from the street, mesmerized by how long after I start peeing, it takes for my pee to hit the ground and the sound to come back to me. All of a sudden, my mother leaned out of the bathroom window and hysterically screamed up at me: “Roger Peterson, what are you doing? Nobody wants to see you pee!” My first response was to laugh at her but that didn’t completely stop the energy of her reaction from having an affect on me. The next time I peed from up in the tree, the same damn thing happened. I have no idea how my mother knew I was up in the tree peeing again unless she was intuiting my behavior or spying on me. Anyway, the emotional impact of her screaming at me a second time did its job. From that moment on, it was almost impossible for me to pee in front of any one else.

    Imagine being in school or in the military with this problem. It was a emotional and logistical nightmare to pee in public bathrooms alone. If someone came in, I’d freeze up and pretend I misjudged my situation and had to take a crap too. It was a long term nightmare that had a profound affect on my life. I’m 71 years old now and it’s taken me most of this time to overcome this debilitating inhibition. I think competition, “I win, you lose plays” plays a huge role in the formation of many human inhibitions. However, that’s a subject for another discussion.

    Hopefully, you understand a little more why the “fucking bathroom” in The Ball of Light played such an important role in this lucid dream. My long term pee inhibition contains a lot of energy and plays itself out in many of my dreams. That’s just the way energy works.

    Chanson, I’m glad you wrote what you did. Your thoughts provided me with a great opportunity to figure out what works and makes me happy. Getting angry and escaping into denial doesn’t work for me anymore. I’m much happier finding ways to opening doors to communication instead of closing them.

    I don’t know if you know who Jane Roberts is but she said something pretty cool: “Hate is looking for love.” I love this insight because it seems so true! When I was young, I was angry at the world. I was angry because so many people I knew made it so hard to love them. I also found it hard to receive love from these same people. I always suspected it was because they didn’t know how or didn’t think it was okay to love themselves. I’d be interested in your thoughts on this. Cheers!

  • Emmy van Swaaij January 26, 2014, 1:54 PM

    I want to let you know that I appreciate you sharing your dreamexperiences here a lot. I stumbled upon your website through the sethfriends facebookpage. Your dreamdescriptions make me look forward to exploring tonight. I’ve had very similar “peeking along” dreams ad I tend to call them and it is such a thrill to see them described by another person who also shares a similar perspective both being fond of Jane Robers excellent material. Looking forward to explore your writings the upcoming days. A great find that made my day, thank you.

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