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The Ball of Light – A Lucid Dream About the Nature of Consciousness and Being

Ball of Light

By Roger A. “Pete” Peterson

This is one of the most profound lucid dreams I’ve ever had. Its significance and meaning is still unfolding within me.

As my awareness gathered into focus, I felt like a crew member from the Starship, Enterprise. Atomic-sized particles of my body were rapidly reassembling as if I had been projected here, particle by particle, through the Enterprise Transporter. With my body in the final stages of assembly, I was able to focus on my surroundings. I was standing inside the main entrance of a school that reminded me of my old high school in Cumberland Center Maine.

Somehow, I was able to see the doors behind me without turning my head. Using this same “Inner Sense” to extend my normal range of perception, I determined the school was empty. Moving to the center of the main corridor, I turned to the right to look down the length of the entire building and out the windows in the double doors at the end. This part of the school is a long, single story structure with rooms stretching down both sides of the hallway. The original, two story section of the school, was behind me.

The first room on my right was the school administration office. The library was on my left. Taking a quick trip down memory lane, I recalled many past school experiences, both good and bad. Moving down the hall, I passed the janitor’s utility closet with its smell of damp mops and cleaning products. It reminded me of my brother, Rudy. For a short while he drove a school bus and served as the janitor at my elementary school. I used to ride with him on his bus route and then help him clean classrooms afterwards. We enjoyed each other’s company and this was one of the few ways we could spend time together since he was married with children.

The student bathrooms are just past the janitor’s closet. Both doors are locked. As I stood in front of them, old bathroom memories come back to life. As if it’s a regular school day, boys and girls begin entering and exiting the bathrooms. It reminded me of the time I helped Rudy clean the girl’s bathroom at my elementary school. One of the stall walls had a sexually explicit rhyme written on it, which I found surprising and stimulating. I was curious about who wrote it but, more than that, I was happy to learn that girls thought about sex like boys.

Standing in front of the girl’s bathroom now, I imagined there was as much graffiti written on high school bathroom walls as there was on elementary school bathroom walls. To test that theory, I had to get through the locked bathroom door first. Suddenly, a light came on in my mind and I remembered I was dreaming! If I abandoned my present body and lay flat in the air in a less tangible one, could I jiggle my molecules fast enough to float through the door.

As soon as I considered this strange idea, there I was, lying flat on my stomach in midair, with no props! Slowly, I floated toward the girl’s bathroom door and I wondered what it was going to be like to move through wood. Suddenly, my direction changed and I zoomed through the boy’s bathroom door. Surprised, I looked back through the door at the body I had left standing in the hallway. I wanted answers for what just happened. Much to my disappointment, the body in the hallway looked like an empty shell, unable to think or act independently. Despite the upset, I decided to go with the flow to see where it would take me. Once that decision was made, I understood why I was drawn into the boy’s bathroom instead of the girl’s. The boy’s bathroom contained a much greater emotional charge for me. While the girl’s bathroom stimulated me sexually, the boy’s bathroom stimulated my fear of peeing in front of other people.

My mother was instrumental in this state of affairs. Twice in a row, during the course of several weeks, she caught me peeing from ten feet up in a pine tree when I was about seven.  Leaning out of the laundry room window both times, right on queue, she hysterically screamed: Roger Peterson, stop that! No one wants to see you pee. The first time this happened, I was able to laugh it off, despite the obvious hysteria in her voice. It sounded like she was more concerned about what the neighbors would think about her than me because I was careful to pee from the back side of the tree, away from the street. But, two times in a row? The second time spooked me so much, I began having trouble peeing in front of my brother and friends. It only went downhill from there. It’s amazing how much a disability like this can affect your life!*

Finally, I learned how to overcome this particular psychological/behavioral inhibition but it wasn’t easy. As you can imagine, using the bathroom in school and the Air Force was a nightmare but it typifies just one of the many challenges we face in a judgmental world or right and wrong, good and bad, shame on you, I win, you lose. There are also biological and sociological differences that lead to discrimination as a result of competition. The example I cited is just one of those things we’re left to suffer with in silence because they’re “too personal and embarrassing” for anyone to talk about. Until we can learn to see ourselves in each other and All That Is, taboo and shame will continue to be part of human experience.

Invisible and floating in the air near the ceiling of the boy’s bathroom, I watched as real and imagined high school bathroom experiences magically sprang to life. People materialized and used the bathroom in full color, sound, and motion. Most of them left quickly but others stuck around to talk, tease, and smoke. I observed several experiences as they quickly manifested themselves and then seamlessly disappeared to be replaced by others.

In one scene, a teacher entered the bathroom to check for smokers and found two boys fighting. In another, a boy made fun of another boy’s habit of going into a stall to pee. It was as if a window into my past had opened up. Was it to provide me with a new opportunity to work through old fears? When the images threatened to spill out beyond the high school bathroom and take me with them, I put the brakes on. For some reason, I knew there was something more important for me to do here. Returning to the body I left standing in the hallway, I reminded myself that I could revisit my bathroom issues whenever I pleased.

Staying to the left as I continued down the hall, I passed several empty classrooms and looked in through the door window of each. I saw nothing of particular interest in any of them. About halfway down the hall, however, I began to feel a growing sense of anticipation as I approached the next classroom on my left. Reaching for the door knob, my anticipation and excitement became even greater. Pulling the door open, I stood in the entrance and began to examine the classroom from left to right. To my left, there were six or more rows of student desks with chairs attached. To my right, there was a large green chalkboard that spanned more than half of the front classroom wall. Sitting in the middle of the space, between the chalkboard and the rows of student desks, was a large teacher’s desk and chair.

On the outside wall, a narrow band of windows stretched from the back of the classroom to the front. As I studied the limited view of the world outside, I remembered how much I felt confined and claustrophobic in my old high school. Simultaneously, a small part of my mind wondered where the teacher and students were. Suddenly, movement at the front of the classroom drew my attention. In amazement, I watched as writing began to appear on the chalkboard. It was followed by the slowly materializing image of a teacher holding the chalk. Then students began to appear at their desks. However, before the reality of these images could fully materialize, I cancelled them so I could continue to explore the secrets of this classroom in silence and solitude.

Something else now drew my attention. Two-thirds of the way across the room the student desks were silently rearranging themselves. At first they formed a circle, and materializing in the middle of that circle was a large, glowing ball of light about seven or eight feet in diameter. For some reason, I felt a profound attraction to this mysterious object. Almost unaware of what I was doing, I stepped out of my main body into a less tangible one. walking, bouncing, and even floating, I slowly moved across the room in front of the rows of student desks. The glowing ball of light slowly moved forward to meet me.

Silently, and magically, the empty student desks rearranged themselves to accommodate the globe as it moved forward. The nearer I came to it, the less it glowed, until finally, as if looking through fog, I could see bits of color and form. Halfway across the room my growing suspicion turned into certainty that what I was looking at was a miniature version of the earth. As it came to rest in front of me, there was no doubt left in my mind. It was a perfect replica of Earth in every way. Even the occasional clouds that hung over it were real, and when I put my face close to the ocean’s edge, I could see tiny waves curling against the beach.

Pulling my face back, I wonder how the water on this small world can stay in place within the larger gravity field of my dream world. Suddenly, tiny pins or pylons begin appearing around the globe, sticking out of the surface. One minute, there were none, and the next, there were many! How could that be? Looking closer, I could see an almost invisible network of tiny wires connecting each pylon. As I stood there, amazed by the magical appearance of this complex network of pins and wires, colorful pulses of light began to move from one pylon to the next as if they were sending messages. Picking up speed, the individual pulses of light began to flash back and forth, and around the globe, faster and faster, until all I could see was solid lines of colors. Before long, this world within a world was a blur of flashing, colored lights. Awed by the seeming intelligence of this fantastic light show, I wondered if the globe was alive, if it was a sentient being.

Prompted by a new impulse, I moved to the right, around the globe. My destination was the view outside the school. Sitting on the shelf below the narrow band of windows, I put my face close to the glass to get a larger view of the world outside. This act seems to be in direct response to the loss of freedom I felt as a student. Being forced to sit in class day after day, year after year, against my will produced anger and frustration in me. When I was in school, the small view of the world outside mocked my desire to be free. I wanted to be free to determine my own course and fate in life. I wanted to be free to be me!

The expanded view of the world I see now, with my face pressed against the window, doesn’t seem large enough to satisfy my deep desire to see and know more. Turning my head from side to side to get an even broader view of the world outside only feeds my frustration. The limitations imposed by the windows, this building and even my own body are no longer tolerable. As my frustration level rises to a sharp peak, I explode out of my body in the form of pure awareness and energy!

With a rush of power and joy I fly through the window to a point high in the air above the school! In this new state of being I can act and react without the use or concern of a physical body. I know I am less tangible than the atoms and molecules comprising the air around me and I revel in this newfound freedom. Seeing without eyes, feeling without skin, and hearing without ears, I fly higher and begin to tumble and roll through the atmosphere with great speed, zipping from here to there without concern for pain or injury. In a moment of great exuberance, I fly down into the earth through soil and rock as if I’m flying through air. It’s something I vaguely remember doing in other dreams.

Despite my great confidence and joy, there’s a moment of fear as I enter the earth’s surface. I remember the earth’s great density and, for a moment, I worry about my nonphysical body becoming dense enough to get stuck in it. Before this earthbound thought can become real, I replace it with new one. This one reassures me that resistance will come only if I refuse to accept the reality of my present state of being as pure awareness and energy. Once again my confidence is restored and I relax into my experience. I fly through soil and rock with the greatest of ease. I have wrapped myself in the knowledge that my experience is always a matter of focus and balance. We get what we concentrate on.

With great confidence I decide to test this belief by making my Energy Body dense enough to feel the texture of the soil and rocks around me. It feels great, almost like scratching an itch. With my curiosity satisfied, I return to a state of pure consciousness  or awareness and energy. In this state, I know there are no limits to my creative choices!

Responding to another impulse, I flew out over the center of town. It was early morning and quiet. The only movement I saw was a pretty young woman pushing a baby stroller down the town’s main street. Attracted by her energy, I invisibly settled into a position about fifteen feet above her head. Soon she was joined by another young woman pushing a stroller and the two quickly lost themselves in conversation. They talked about life, family, and friends. Feeling strangely related to both of them, I used my intuitive abilities to explore our connection. To my surprise, I found that all three of us shared a similar mental and emotional makeup, a connection that felt more like family than shared genes. (Is there such a thing as “family” regarding types of consciousness?) Of the two women, my connection with the first seemed strongest. Not only did I find her physically attractive, her personality had a richness and complexity to it that intrigues me. She was bright, caring, and wanted to know everything, characteristics I greatly admire. The other woman is more content with life as it is. She seems less curious and self-centered in her thinking.

From my invisible point in the air, I wonder what it would be like to live within the first woman’s psyche, to be there when she makes love, plays with her child, or ponders an exciting thought. Can I occupy a small, unused portion of her mind and pay my way by helping her during times of crisis or need? If I observe appropriate rules of privacy and non-involvement will she even be aware of my presence? If I help her find solutions to a problem or two, will she welcome me as an important part of her psyche? Being body-less and safely ensconced within this woman’s psyche sounds appealing to me. This way, I can devote full time to my pet projects, free of material encumbrances and responsibilities, including a body.

As I pondered life in this woman’s psyche, I began to see myself as a gentleman boarder at a her country inn. Leaving my room wearing a top hat and tails for a trip into town, I encountered my “landlady” as she busily cultivated the soil in the flower garden surrounding the inn. She observed my approach and I tipped the edge of my hat toward her in greeting. It’s been some time since I’ve taken up residence in her psyche and she has become quite comfortable with my quiet presence. However, she wonders if I’m the mysterious person who helped resolve several legal issues concerning her business, since my arrival. Her husband is working on farm equipment in the yard and casts a jealous look in my direction. Their children are present and playing happily nearby.

In a sudden departure, I wondered what life would be like as a large redwood tree. Instantly, it became so. At first the quiet and solitude of living in the forest seemed delightful. It was so relaxing! Soon, however, other thoughts began to creep in, thoughts like “boring” and “limiting”. Suddenly, I had an overwhelming desire to be back in my own human body, in my own world. Even the desire to live in the woman’s psyche had lost its appeal. The constant mental tiptoeing, the suppression of my own natural impulses, and the loss of my present body and family were much more than I could or wanted to bear. After considering these thoughts, I left the two women walking with their babies and flew back to my dream body sitting on the shelf under the window.

On the flight back, I wondered about my two dream bodies. Were they still there? What were they doing while I was gone? Were they just empty vessels waiting for me to come back? My questions were soon answered as I flew back through the window and reentered the body I had left sitting on the window ledge. It felt like I hadn’t been gone at all, as if no time has passed.

Walking past the globe on the left, I saw an open door on the side facing the classroom door. Curious, I walked over to look inside. The interior was illuminated by a soft white light that came from inside the walls themselves. Except for a small flat area on the floor of the globe, the interior of the globe looked like a futuristic computer control room. The side walls were filled with rows and panels and blinking colored lights. A large, plush white leather arm chair filled the area on the floor of the globe and hanging above the chair was a large white helmet suspended from the ceiling. It was connected to the wall of the globe by two large electrical cables that coiled once on the floor before disappearing into the wall several feet above the floor. It looked like a thick football helmet minus the ear holes. Its design and position above the chair clearly suggested its purpose.

In nervous anticipation I entered the globe and sat in the chair. It was very comfortable! Using both hands to pull the helmet down over my head, I wondered what I was letting myself in for. Was it good or bad fortune? As the helmet made contact, I suddenly jumped to another world in a different body and a different life. My final thought before the helmet made contact with my head served as the central theme for this alternate reality. I was born into a primitive farming culture as a woman, I got married and had children. During this lifetime, I constantly questioned whether or not I was worthy of such good fortune. Quickly bored and depressed by the limited perception in this lifetime, I skimmed the highlights and left.

Back in the globe, after recollecting my own sense of self, I decided to conduct an experiment. I wanted to see how well I could control the machine. Would it let me select my parents, my sex, my environment, and the major concepts I wanted to explore during the course of a different lifetime? Holding my breath, I decided to be a young, white female growing up on a late twentieth century farm with lots of animals, a fruit orchard, and wonderful, loving parents. To complete the picture, I made us Protestant.

With no clear sense of transition, I entered this life and found myself as a young girl with a collie for a friend. She/we loved to walk around the farm and play with the dog. On warm summer nights we climbed out the window of her upstairs bedroom to sit on the roof and look up at the stars, pondering life and its meaning. Life, what’s it all about?

She/we went to church and school because that’s what was expected of her even though her mind was full of unanswered questions. Separating myself from her life to examine her most probable future, I saw sadness and unfulfilled dreams. As a middle aged woman, she smiled and pretended to be happy outwardly but, inwardly, she felt lost and unfulfilled. To keep others happy, she shaped her life in accordance with their wishes and expectations, not her own. The questions she once asked remained unanswered and the dreams she had as a young woman died. Disturbed by this vision of her future self, I returned to her young self long enough to plant seeds of thought in her mind that, I was quite sure, would counteract the oppressive thinking and behavior patterns of the people around her. Returning to my seat in the computer, I felt confident that she would experience great joy, independence of thought and richness as an adult. She was too bright and spirited not to.

With a great burst of energy, I created many male and female lives. Each one was placed in a different time and setting to study their values in search of greater truth. When I encountered a second personality that piqued my interest, like the young farm girl, I slowed down to examine this life more closely. It was a young black man who lived in a jungle village. He was married with two children and highly respected by the tribe for his mystical and healing abilities. To my surprise, as I quietly peered into his life and mind, he became consciously aware of my presence. He sensed my role in the creation of his being and was overjoyed with my presence. Even though I tried to hide myself in a black abyss, he sensed my presence. Walking to the edge of the jungle as if he knew exactly where I was, he asked to come away with me. Although I was greatly moved by the depth of his spiritual understanding and sincerity, I couldn’t forget about his family and tribe. They needed him and I had places to go and things to do as well. When I reminded him of his importance to his family and tribe, he understood and started walking back to the village, knowing in his heart that it was the right thing for him to do.

As this experiment came to an end, I realized that each lifetime is an opportunity to learn how our thoughts, in the form of beliefs, attitudes, values and expectations, interact to create reality. Each moment, each day, and each lifetime presents us with the challenge of creating a better version of who we are. It makes no difference whether our experiences are expressed in material or symbolic terms. It’s ALL good because there is something to learn from everything. No matter where we are or whatever we’re doing, it’s all real in the moment. With this new insight, I removed the headgear and left the computer.

After backing into the body I had left standing in the doorway, I took one step back and closed the classroom door before turning to retrace my steps back to the entrance of the school. Deciding there was no further need for the symbolism of this reality, I let it fade into blackness. Waking myself up in this reality, I turned my bedside light on and began the daunting task of recording as many of the details of this dream as I could before it all faded away, as  dreams often do. Where do we begin and where do we end?

Copyright 2007, Roger A. “Pete” Peterson

What do we know that we don’t know we know?

What can we do that we don’t know we can do?

Pete – https://realtalkworld.com

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having (creating) a human experience.” – Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

“How you define yourself and the world around you, forms your intent, which, in turn, forms your reality.” – Seth

In other words, we create reality from what we believe about ourselves and the world around us.

If we don’t choose which ideas to believe, we absorb established beliefs from our surroundings.

And if our beliefs, attitudes, values and expectations create reality, can we afford not to question them?

The more we love, understand and appreciate ourselves, the better we treat each other and All That Is.

The secrets of the universe lie hidden in the shadows of our experience. Look for them!

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Affirm the ideas that work best and make you happiest!

{ 3 comments… add one }
  • Chanson Dinhars December 18, 2013, 9:11 AM

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha! What a load! If your story’s for real and I don’t believe it is, this is dreaming 101. Not much going on here, except your lust for power – captain of a starship? Don’t you mention this somewhere else too? And your weird tastes – who gets turned on by a fucking bathroom?

  • Pete December 19, 2013, 1:03 PM

    Hmmm, how do you talk to someone who thinks they have everything figured out already?

    I suspect many people want to ask me the same question because sometimes I talk like I have things figured out too. Maybe the purpose for you finding my website and making the comments you did is the universe’s way of making me more aware of that. So, thank you!

    Do you believe that we’re all doing the best we can with what we know and, as we learn more, we try to do better? Do you think self-improvement is built into who and what we are? I do, and if we turn this idea around, you can see it as us attempting to recover from things we don’t like about life and ourselves, things that don’t work for us or make us happy. If this is so, why don’t we do more to help ourselves and each other in our effort to recover instead of laughing at each other as if we’re all a big joke, not that any of us are forced to accept this projection.

    Regarding my flight of fancy in making myself the “Captain of a Star Ship” and getting “turned on by a fucking bathroom”, as you put it. When I became fully aware of the profound obligation we assume when we remove plants from the ground and bring them into our homes, I felt a strong sense of guilt. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized how poor and insensitive I had been as a partner in my relationship with potted plants throughout my life. I always did the best I could with what I knew regarding plants but it wasn’t much. As the full impact of my failure hit home, all I could think to do was escape, and I did, in grand fashion. I used the material of the rootlet to create an amazing Star Ship, along with a beautiful captain’s uniform to go with it. I wanted to feel good about myself to balance out how bad I felt about myself. Do you think there’s something wrong or unnatural about that? I don’t. I think this is a natural course of action the mind takes to preserve our sanity. When I realized that I was in denial, I discarded the Star Ship and returned to the plant consciousness to learn more about it.

    The bathroom thing represents one of my personal recovery projects. When I was about 8 or 9 years old, I discovered how much fun it was to pee from some branches high up in a pine tree in our side yard. There I am, about 10 or 12 feet up in the tree facing away from the street, mesmerized by how long after I start peeing, it takes for my pee to hit the ground and the sound to come back to me. All of a sudden, my mother leaned out of the bathroom window and hysterically screamed up at me: “Roger Peterson, what are you doing? Nobody wants to see you pee!” My first response was to laugh at her but that didn’t completely stop the energy of her reaction from having an affect on me. The next time I peed from up in the tree, the same damn thing happened. I have no idea how my mother knew I was up in the tree peeing again unless she was intuiting my behavior or spying on me. Anyway, the emotional impact of her screaming at me a second time did its job. From that moment on, it was almost impossible for me to pee in front of any one else.

    Imagine being in school or in the military with this problem. It was a emotional and logistical nightmare to pee in public bathrooms alone. If someone came in, I’d freeze up and pretend I misjudged my situation and had to take a crap too. It was a long term nightmare that had a profound affect on my life. I’m 71 years old now and it’s taken me most of this time to overcome this debilitating inhibition. I think competition, “I win, you lose plays” plays a huge role in the formation of many human inhibitions. However, that’s a subject for another discussion.

    Hopefully, you understand a little more why the “fucking bathroom” in The Ball of Light played such an important role in this lucid dream. My long term pee inhibition contains a lot of energy and plays itself out in many of my dreams. That’s just the way energy works.

    Chanson, I’m glad you wrote what you did. Your thoughts provided me with a great opportunity to figure out what works and makes me happy. Getting angry and escaping into denial doesn’t work for me anymore. I’m much happier finding ways to opening doors to communication instead of closing them.

    I don’t know if you know who Jane Roberts is but she said something pretty cool: “Hate is looking for love.” I love this insight because it seems so true! When I was young, I was angry at the world. I was angry because so many people I knew made it so hard to love them. I also found it hard to receive love from these same people. I always suspected it was because they didn’t know how or didn’t think it was okay to love themselves. I’d be interested in your thoughts on this. Cheers!

  • Emmy van Swaaij January 26, 2014, 1:54 PM

    I want to let you know that I appreciate you sharing your dreamexperiences here a lot. I stumbled upon your website through the sethfriends facebookpage. Your dreamdescriptions make me look forward to exploring tonight. I’ve had very similar “peeking along” dreams ad I tend to call them and it is such a thrill to see them described by another person who also shares a similar perspective both being fond of Jane Robers excellent material. Looking forward to explore your writings the upcoming days. A great find that made my day, thank you.

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